Great Expectations

“You’ll always be this handsome and your weight will never gain and when I give birth to our children I will feel no pain.”


I am not going to lie. I am in love and the latter lyric Sandi Thom wrote is almost exactly how I feel about my future with the man of my dreams.
As unrealistic and as improbable as these expectations are, and as moderately intelligent as I consider myself to be, I still find myself believing, nay, expecting these absurd day dreams to be a reality some day. Of course the said lyric above takes on a deeper meaning, so rather than just looking at the words and the immediate impression they make in our minds, I decided to consider the things underneath the surface of this seemingly ridiculous statement.


The likelihood of labour being anything less than excruciating is laughable, sure. But imagine if you will, having a baby with a man you adore. This is not as frequent an event as we’re lead to believe. Sure, it’s going to hurt, a pharmacy full of drugs will be your fantasy at that point, but the knowledge that you are having a child with the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen, that is, in itself, a pain killer.


To love somebody so much that you do not even consider the fact that he may, one day, obtain a belly that is twice the size of the one he holds now. That he may eventually wrinkle. So as I sit with thoughts of my beautiful boyfriend, I stop and wonder: as delusive as it is to anticipate your lover always being how he is in his very best moment in time, is it damaging to the relationship to hold such expectations, or can it actually help make it last “till the end of time”?


To dream so extravagantly used to come so easily, and without apology, up stairs playing with our Barbies when we were 5. We dreamt up perfect husbands for our dolls and they would indeed live happily ever after. They would do anything you said, anytime you said it and they would only have eyes for you. But being in the dating game for any extended period of time, and by extended period of time I mean anything as short as 6 months, can really make you rather sceptical. And the longer you are in the dating game, the more pessimistic you become about true love and other urban myths.


So that when the most amazing guy comes along, we are not capable of comprehension. We do not know this species, and unfortunately we reject what we do not know. I’ve seen it time and time again with friends of mine. One bad relationship after another, for years, and then fate literally hands them prince charming on a silver platter and they have no idea what to do. Inevitably, they screw it up. Goodbye happiness.


The truth is, there are just way too many frogs out there, and way too little princes, that is, I’m afraid, the dark and depressing reality. If you are one of the rare lucky ladies, like myself (sorry) that happened upon a one in a million man, aren’t you reserved a right to be a silly little school girl, are you not permitted to behave accordingly? He will never get fat! He will always be this sexy and when you go into labour with his child, ok let’s just be a little realistic here; it’ll only hurt a little bit.