Social Ceremony

Nothing could be more absurd, I thought as I bounded up the stairs, or more amusing, I pondered as I looked down on the crowd below.
An incalculable amount of acquaintances, and more to meet still; unwelcomed introductions and politely insincere smiles between strangers, I fought a powerful urge to turn and flee from this event, a little piece of hell here on earth.

I recognized sparsely scattered faces and spotted the guest of honour, whom I used to know quite well, walking toward the buffet table in the centre of the room. It was beautiful, the room; marble floors shining like liquid with the assistance of the lights above; a massive chandelier in the middle surrounded by its many minions.
I targeted her and walked swiftly in that exact direction, not looking anywhere else but in front of me, mildly concentrating on not getting my dress stuck in the heels of my shoes. Damn formal soirees.
She looked up, slight recognition in her eyes and there appeared a fragmentary smile and the inevitable greeting. Before I knew it I was caught up in a bear hug, a soft, excited scream in my ear.

And so began a night of hugs and screams and wow, how long has it been’s.

The music played relentlessly, and loudly, as I swayed and sipped my champagne, I smiled sweetly at people I vaguely knew and put in a word here and there in random conversations about new employments and failed marriages, travels and pregnancies and I stifled a yawn as the clock struck 10:00.

I couldn’t believe I was here again, in this room with these people. Hadn’t I been adamant that I would never subject myself to this company, this mindless chatter again? Doubtless I had been quilted by the hostess, but why did I succumb? Hadn’t that very quality also been dead and buried in me for what seemed like an eternity. It had been almost an eternity since I last saw some of these faces and I wondered to myself what we had had in common all those years ago, if anything. This felt not unlike a high school reunion, and I felt more relieved as the minutes ticked by bringing me closer to freedom, bringing me closer to breathing.

I realised I knew no one.

Not even the guest of honour. She had been a friend in my formative years; an integral part of my life back then, but who was she now? And when had we drifted so far apart? I couldn’t remember a time or an event, or a moment when it happened; it had just happened.
All I knew was that I wasn’t that person they knew, and they were not the people I had known and as I stood there dragging on a cigarette I realised I was a stranger to them. I had a life so far removed from the one of yesteryears and I felt a wave of relief wash over me. This was not and hadn’t been the place I belonged, the life I had chosen and I felt glad I had made that choice. I was surrounded by an immense amount of phoniness and it made me uncomfortable.

I glanced at my watch; it read 11:25, an acceptable time to leave if ever there was one, I thought. I knew the goodbyes would take at least 10 minutes so I looked around to see if I could spot the hostess, my former friend.
I saw her sitting down across the room and walked over, bracing myself. She looked in my direction and before I opened my mouth her words reached me. You’re leaving already? She asked, unsurprised, resigned. I felt something like remorse but not quite, and then I remembered the beginning of the end of this part of my life.

I had removed myself slowly, leaving earlier and earlier and eventually declining invites all together.
They came looking for me, and sometimes they found me, but I wasn’t the same, and neither were they.

And as I walked out of this life for the second time, I breathed in the cool night air and smiled.

I had chosen my life, and the people in it.